Learning to be content

While I normally post on the happenings in the family (will post that later), I wanted to share some personal thoughts/feelings, I am learning that I need to share where I struggle so that I can be held accountable by those who love and care for me. I am learning that I cannot change alone and I need those around me to help.. to let go and let God be in control of my life.

God the last few months has been putting a burden on my heart that I could no longer ignore. Over the last few years I have/had grown to be quick to anger, easy to get frustrated, unhappy about what I didn't have, and just sadden because I wanted something different (yet I didn't know what it was that I wanted.) I just wanted more. If someone cut me off in traffic I'd honk the horn, if someone didn't move the minute the light turned I'd honk the horn or holler out to them.. I'd roll my eyes if someone said something I didn't agree with.. I'd look at the families who were in these huge houses that were perfectly cleaned, the perfect foods served on the table and wonder... why not me!?

Over the past few months a weight had been on my heart I was doing it all wrong. While I was so frustrated, so envious of others I had stopped being thankful for what I did have. I was not content with what God has blessed me with. So I started taking a HARD look at my life...

I get angry/upset to fast, I am quick to get defensive, and let stuff bother me... ... I'm learning to let go, learning to listen

I would be the first to put my 2 words into a fight... I am learning to be the 1st to end it a fight hopefully before it starts, to find peace on common ground

I was unhappy with the size of my house, my clothes, my furniture, my looks. I wanted bigger, better, fancier... I am learning to be thankful for a roof over my head, for my family, and that fact that we have such wonderful belongings...

I was angry that God took my dad away. That my dad isn't here to met his grand kids to be a part of their lives, that I didn't have a chance to say I'm sorry, I love you one last time to my dad... I am learning to mourn, to stop hiding my feelings and to allow myself to feel, to grieve and to cherish the memories.

I am not perfect... and there are days when it is easy to fall into old habits to want to say harsh things to someone, to honk the horn when it isn't needed... to be unhappy where God has me in life right now.... but I'm learning.

I am learning that God has me absolutely right where he wants me, and it isn't until HE is ready for me to move up in life.. or to expand in life that it will happen.... I am learning to be content in Christ right where he has me.